I don't need you..

I'm sure that almost everyone has felt the pain of rejection and knows the risks that we take when we open ourselves up to other people.  We learn and develop skills to protect our hearts from being trampled on by others who sometimes mean us harm.  But this doesn't stop our hearts from yearning for connection, because God made us to connect.  He made us to want and to need each other.

I've always had a strong and courageous personality.  I wasn't really afraid to put myself out there and be who I was, but I also tried really hard to protect myself.  I didn't want to be rejected or hurt so I didn't really let anyone in.  

Until relatively recently, I'd say within the last 5-6 years, I didn't understand how important it really is to let others in.  How important it really is to our soul to create real and honest connections with others.  Because from real connections comes real life and real love.  

What is real connection though?  Vulnerability.  Authenticity.  Presences.  Humility.  Wow, who's uncomfortable yet?!  Those are some sensitive and scary spaces!  And for the same reason that you won't just let anyone come waltzing in your front door, I do not recommend you just let anyone come waltzing into your soul either!


Some people don't believe in magic.  I believe God works magic in spades.  Call it magic, call it miracles, call it love.  Call it whatever you'd like, but God is out there providing us opportunities to make our lives more beautiful and more meaningful all the time.  We just have to take a chance and lean into it.  Sometimes we can't see or understand how these opportunities will play out or help us grow right away.  Sometimes it may take months or years to see the true beauty of the gifts God gives us.

For me, one of these gifts arrived in an interview nearly 8 1/2 years ago.  Her name is Missy Funderburk and she was interviewing me for an accounting position.  At the time, there was no way that either of us could have possibly known that we would spend the next decade growing closer and falling in love with each other.  That we would walk thru joys, celebrations, trials and tribulations and become the best of friends.  That our souls would become weaved together forever.

The journey wasn't always easy and I doubt either of us knew along the way what we were destined to become.  Over time, we began to grow closer and have challenged each other in amazing ways.  But we couldn't do that until we began being really honest and vulnerable with ourselves and each other.  We began to journal back and forth with each other and share pieces of ourselves that were raw and pure.  I will always cherish the space we created between us among those pages and believe that it was the best gift that I have ever received.


I don't believe I'm really that unique.  I believe every one of us needs to feel accepted and loved for who we are, but we can't do that until we allow others to see who we really are.  We desperately need to allow ourselves the chance to find our "tribe" as Martha Beck calls it.

I have watched this play out over the last 8 weeks.  This summer we had the blessing and the privilege of our son attending Heartspring's Camp SSTAR - a summer camp for children with Autism.  I have watched my boy, who has struggled almost his whole life with being accepted and understood, blossom and feel like he belongs.  And not only did my son feel wrapped in love and acceptance, but so did his mother!  Watching the staff at this camp made me know, without a doubt, that God sends angels here to earth to bless us!!  

The sense of belonging gave my son a new belief in himself and our life has been a little easier and happier this summer.  We still have a very long journey ahead of us, but it was so amazing to watch what belonging and friendship could do!


This Sunday (August 2nd) is Friendship Day.  
This year a piece of my soul moved and now lives hundreds of miles away.  But no matter what and no matter where, we will be forever friends.

If you're interested in beginning a journey towards living life with your whole heart and developing more meaningful relationships, I'd highly recommend a couple of my favorite authors: Brene Brown (try The Gifts of Imperfection or Daring Greatly) or Martha Beck (try Finding Your Own North Star).