For Better or Worse..

A few weeks ago, I came down with a really rotten cold.  One that started in my chest, then moved to my head and then on to my sinuses.  Two weeks, two doctors, and two Rxs later, I finally saw the hope of feeling better again!

As a mom, it's not like we really ever get a sick day, not really.  Life just keeps churning and turning all around us.  Everyone still needs us and there are still so many little hands and feet demanding our time and attention.  The longer and longer the ick sticks, the less and less capable I always feel to handle the blessings I've been given.

This time around, at about day ten or so, I was past done being sick.  I was worn out and empty.  Everything that I had was being depleted by just going thru the motions of my everyday responsibilities.  I simply had nothing left.

Lately I've been trying really hard to be focused on being the woman God made me to be - a God's girl full of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness and Self Control {Galatians 5:22-23}.  And this sickness thing was really throwing a wrench in my fruit bowl!  The fruit of the spirit is pretty close to the last thing I had felt full right about then.  Agitated, frustrated, defensive, annoyed, intolerant are words that maybe, potentially (ok - totally!) described some of my feelings.  I knew it and I was sorry but I just didn't feel good!!

But that's when I found myself thinking of what God's expectations of me really are.  Just like my wedding vows, God doesn't expect me to shine like His light unto the world only when I'm healthy and feel good.  I'm not called to act like Jesus only when it's easy!  I feel pretty confident in saying that living life wasn't really that easy for Jesus either!

If I am a true Christian, then I need to take my vows to God seriously. Taking a look at some traditional wedding vows and altering them just a bit - I, Kimberly, take you Jesus as my Lord and Savior, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death does us join, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge myself to you.

Wow.  That really puts it into perspective!  I found it humbling and honoring to realize what I'm really called to do.  And also incredibly, ridiculously difficult when I don't feel good for like two weeks!!!

Thank the Lord I'm not called to be perfect because sometimes I am weak and even when I try I will fail.  But I am also forgiven and so very loved.  So I will put one foot in front of the other with my eyes focused on the real goal - my moment before God.  For Him, I will joyfully live my life.  I will strain against the grain.  I will walk the path that is narrow and rough and gratefully stumble along the way.  I will also do everything I can to ease the path of those that follow and join me.

I am called to live my life the best that I can for Him.  So I will choose to practice being a strong and faithful God's girl (which may just include a very early bedtime and keeping my lips zipped when I have nothing nice to say!).

I am thankful for the silver linings I found nestled in my sickness - a grateful reminder to appreciate being healthy and a deeper devotion to my faith.