I'm sure that almost everyone has felt the pain of rejection and knows the risks that we take when we open ourselves up to other people. We learn and develop skills to protect our hearts from being trampled on by others who sometimes mean us harm. But this doesn't stop our hearts from yearning for connection, because God made us to connect. He made us to want and to need each other.
I've always had a strong and courageous personality. I wasn't really afraid to put myself out there and be who I was, but I also tried really hard to protect myself. I didn't want to be rejected or hurt so I didn't really let anyone in.
Until relatively recently, I'd say within the last 5-6 years, I didn't understand how important it really is to let others in. How important it really is to our soul to create real and honest connections with others. Because from real connections comes real life and real love.
What is real connection though? Vulnerability. Authenticity. Presences. Humility. Wow, who's uncomfortable yet?! Those are some sensitive and scary spaces! And for the same reason that you won't just let anyone come waltzing in your front door, I do not recommend you just let anyone come waltzing into your soul either!
Some people don't believe in magic. I believe God works magic in spades. Call it magic, call it miracles, call it love. Call it whatever you'd like, but God is out there providing us opportunities to make our lives more beautiful and more meaningful all the time. We just have to take a chance and lean into it. Sometimes we can't see or understand how these opportunities will play out or help us grow right away. Sometimes it may take months or years to see the true beauty of the gifts God gives us.
For me, one of these gifts arrived in an interview nearly 8 1/2 years ago. Her name is Missy Funderburk and she was interviewing me for an accounting position. At the time, there was no way that either of us could have possibly known that we would spend the next decade growing closer and falling in love with each other. That we would walk thru joys, celebrations, trials and tribulations and become the best of friends. That our souls would become weaved together forever.
The journey wasn't always easy and I doubt either of us knew along the way what we were destined to become. Over time, we began to grow closer and have challenged each other in amazing ways. But we couldn't do that until we began being really honest and vulnerable with ourselves and each other. We began to journal back and forth with each other and share pieces of ourselves that were raw and pure. I will always cherish the space we created between us among those pages and believe that it was the best gift that I have ever received.
I don't believe I'm really that unique. I believe every one of us needs to feel accepted and loved for who we are, but we can't do that until we allow others to see who we really are. We desperately need to allow ourselves the chance to find our "tribe" as Martha Beck calls it.
I have watched this play out over the last 8 weeks. This summer we had the blessing and the privilege of our son attending Heartspring's Camp SSTAR - a summer camp for children with Autism. I have watched my boy, who has struggled almost his whole life with being accepted and understood, blossom and feel like he belongs. And not only did my son feel wrapped in love and acceptance, but so did his mother! Watching the staff at this camp made me know, without a doubt, that God sends angels here to earth to bless us!!
The sense of belonging gave my son a new belief in himself and our life has been a little easier and happier this summer. We still have a very long journey ahead of us, but it was so amazing to watch what belonging and friendship could do!
This Sunday (August 2nd) is Friendship Day.
This year a piece of my soul moved and now lives hundreds of miles away. But no matter what and no matter where, we will be forever friends.
If you're interested in beginning a journey towards living life with your whole heart and developing more meaningful relationships, I'd highly recommend a couple of my favorite authors: Brene Brown (try The Gifts of Imperfection or Daring Greatly) or Martha Beck (try Finding Your Own North Star).
I just want to level set a little bit. So I'll just say that I have the best life ever! I am so very blessed. God has provided me with so many blessings, so many opportunities. I have a great husband, amazing kids, the best friend any one could ever ask for, a beautiful home that keeps me warm and safe, parents that support me and never stop loving me, and a circle of family and friends that keeps my cup overflowing.
I'm not trying to brag and I am not saying my life is easy. I struggle and fall down on a regularly scheduled basis! It is only by the grace of God that I can kneel while I'm down there and pray for the ability to stand back up some days.
But it is thru that faith and thru that grace that I can say without a doubt, I have the best life ever.
I haven't always felt this way - so lucky/blessed - no matter what circumstances blew my way. In fact, I used to live under a dark cloud of pessimism. No matter what rainbows painted the sky as a promise of hope, I'd focus on the dark clouds and rain. I spent years hurt and angry and lost.
So what changed? How did I become someone who now chooses to seek the silver lining in everything?
Sometimes it takes a significant, life changing event to jar you to the core of your being. To rattle the foundation of the life you've created. There came a point in my life where I felt like all I had left was Hope. I didn't have understanding. I didn't have peace. I didn't have love. I felt so alone and so empty. Honestly, I felt so scared because when I looked at my life, what I saw was not who I wanted to be. My life was not what I believed all of this was supposed to be about.
But somehow I found hope in all of that. Hope is that thing you hold on to when everything else is falling apart and the ship is sinking. Hope is really that light at the end of the tunnel. When I finally remembered who was shining that light, things began to get brighter.
And so began a journey. A beautiful, long, winding journey that I pray will not end until the day I take my last breath. A journey of finding myself and finding God. A journey of discovering who he made me to be and how I can live out my life with passion and purpose. A journey of taking the struggles I've had and the lessons I've learned and creating a better world for those around me.
Healing takes time. True healing takes the love of God. A Father so full of love and passion for each of us that he gave us the most amazing gift. Until I was a parent myself, I never understood what true sacrifice that really meant. The gift of eternal life at such an incredibly high price. Jesus paid for our eternal life because he loved us so much. I never got that before - what that really, truly meant. A love like that, a love worth dying for, heals and completes us like nothing here on earth ever can.
But at the end of the day? I'm just human. I make mistakes, I get frustrated and fussy (I'm sure my husband would be happy to confirm this if needed!!), and I don't always live up to the woman I want to be. I see that dark cloud looming and some days I plop down and stew awhile. But an incredibly wise woman {LysaTerkeurst} has taught me to focus on valuing imperfect progress and practice, practice, Practice!
So these days, when I notice I've set up camp at the base of the mountain to chew on a problem I practice looking for the light. I practice gratitude. For if I'm busy being thankful for all my blessings, and they are so many, then I don't have the time to feel quite as sorry for myself.
How and where do I begin? I think it makes sense to start with why I'm here. Why am I beginning this journey? Why am I attempting this blog thing? Really it's pretty simple actually. It may be the only thing in life I can actually sum it up with one word! Hope.
I hope and pray that I'm not alone in this world and that others, just like me, need to hear that. I hope that my journey and my words, my experience of this world might offer hope to others like me. Mothers who struggle to provide Godly guidance to their challenging and wonderful blessings (aka children)! Wives who want to fulfill God's purpose for their marriages. Women who want to bring light and joy into a world of struggle and confusion.
So.. thank you, whomever you are. For stopping by to join me. For reaching out in this world to take a risk, to read a blog, to share a story, to bring a little more light into this world! Thank you to those who inspire me, who love me and hold me accountable to the beautiful woman God made me to be. I am so thankful to all of you and pray that you feel the hope and love that are truly alive!
